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About Last Night

Okay, so I can't count. For those of you who read my post yesterday, you know what I'm talking about. For those (drink) who didn't read it and aren't inclined to do so, in a nutshell, I made a big deal out of the first half of the year being over. But, as my more mathematically inclined husband pointed out, we're only five months into the year. I'm a month ahead of myself. I publicly acknowledged my error, but James dished out the wisecracks all night. "To the second half of the year!" he proclaimed as he attempted a toast. Hilarious. At least I know the difference between the words "condemn" and "condone."

While I'm at it, there are a couple other grievances I'd like to air. I'll start with a compliment just to soften the blow a little. James is a fantastic cook. He cooks dinner for me every night and honestly it's restaurant quality. (Drink) Go ahead haters...bring it on. I don't blame you. But here's what drives me crazy. He leaves cabinets open all over the place. (Drink) That I can kind of deal with. But you know what else he leaves open? The refrigerator. It's always open. And this is a guy who frowns on waste. He's worse than me about turning off lights and he turns the faucet off while brushing his teeth. I do too, of course. I mean, usually. But the fridge? Wide open. Makes me nuts.

Also, he uses kitchen towels as potholders. That is not (drink) their intended use. For starters, they're too thin, and you're destined to burn yourself. But more importantly, they're too large and are bound to catch fire. Which they have. Twice. And yet, he still does it. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I use the phrase "conveniently located" frequently. The light switch is conveniently located near the door as you exit the room; the toothbrush holder is conveniently located on the bathroom counter; AND THE POTHOLDERS ARE KEPT IN A DRAWER CONVENIENTLY LOCATED RIGHT NEXT TO THE OVEN. There's a plethora of options from which to select. Homemade loom-weaved ones, mitts in which you can insert your entire hand, flat potholders with silicone backing, even half mitts should you not require arm protection. Yet still, several of my dish towels have been set ablaze.

I'm on a role! Here's another one. Puzzle tapping. As you may recall, our family is on a totally geeked out puzzle kick. Every time James gets a piece of the puzzle in, he taps it twice. He didn't realize he was doing it until I pointed out that clearly, he was tapping in attempt to get recognition for his accomplishment. Rather than stopping, he now taps extra loud. And if it's a real challenge piece, he sometimes taps thrice. Abigail, Paige and I do a lot of eye rolling.

Holy crap...this post was so mean. Especially since he has cooked the kids' dinners so I could write it. With the fridge open, but still. And, really, I should be thankful that he pointed out my glaring error so I could at least recognize my stupidity thereby allowing readers to laugh WITH me rather than AT me. He's a good guy, though. He'll understand that this (drink) is all written with love. And the tiniest little suggestion to use potholders. Please and thank you. And I love you. And I'm sorry.

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