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Drama Queen

After two days of blissfully writing without interruption, the game that was keeping them entertained has fizzled. So grab a cocktail and try to keep up. I'm a little all over the place today.

First off, I don't know where they come up with these games, but they all seem to be called the same thing - "school." This particular version involved the twins following Kaleb around like puppies and kowtowing to his every command. For some reason, they put up with his dictatorship for two whole days, but his (drink) authoritarian ruling got old and they retaliated. It was nice while it lasted. (Drink)

They've also been retaliating on the personal hygiene front. Why do kids reject the simple acts required to maintain cleanliness? When I announce bath time, you would think I informed (drink) them in was time to go to the doctor for a round of shots. The coercing and cajoling just to get them upstairs necessitates the combined patience of James and me and sometimes a shot of Tequila to take the edge off. And THEN once they're finally in, they don't want to get out. The process really takes it out of me, so come (drink) summer, the rule is, if you go in the pool, you're exempt from bath time. Totally lazy of me, and I'm sure it would be wise to rinse the chemicals off occasionally and use soap, but they don't smell so....

From time to time, there's a legit reason I have to override the rule and insist on a bath. Yesterday, for example, Eleanor woke up with something gooey in her hair. I'm guessing it was cupcake frosting. (Drink) But it required soap. Lots of soap. I almost made it through the process without losing my shit, but when she finally emerged from the tub, I realized there was an excessive amount of soap remaining in her hair. I've been known to ignore this little issue in the past, figuring the suds would dissolve eventually, but she couldn't even get a brush through it without bubbles foaming all over the place. So, back into the tub was the only option. Except not for Eleanor. She pitched a fit and I had had it. James had to step in to avoid early morning (drink) libations.

But the jig wasn't up. It was time for Eleanor to get revenge for the second round of hair washing and she did so rather creatively. She found a picture of herself and demanded to wear the exact outfit she had on in the photo. The shirt was readily available, but I didn't even remember the skirt. I offered several alternatives, but none would suffice. So I lost it again, but this time, rather than gracefully exiting the scene, there was yelling. I'm not proud, but I'm also not a pillar of patience. I left the room to leave her to sort out her skirt issue, and moments later, caught bits and pieces of her pity party the highlight of which was, "I want another mommy." (Drink)

I was torn between heartbreak, laughter, and walking right out of the house to do a loop around the hood (drink) to regroup. Does anyone else do that? I imagine there are moms all over, storming out of their house muttering expletives, temples throbbing, wearing slippers and pajamas, just walking around aimlessly until their breathing normalizes and they can calmly return home as if nothing had happened. I do that. Frequently. So I did, and when (drink) I returned, it was as if Eleanor had taken her own cleansing walk. Or maybe she(drink) did a round of five finger breathing. Either way, she was dressed in a completely different outfit, and seemed open to the idea of accepting me as her mother.

Dodged that bullet. But she'll say it again, I'm sure. She's one of those super theatrical kids, often making exaggerated statements to get a reaction and slamming doors and cabinets to ensure everyone is aware of every emotion she's feeling. I wonder where she gets that (cough...furiously running down the street in pajamas...cough). Good thing I'm onto her, though, or I'd really take her words to heart. I told her I (drink) don't always like what she does, but I would never want another Eleanor. She threw her arms around me in a dramatic hug, making me fully aware of her current emotion. I like this one the best.

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