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Far From the Shallow

Since it's a rainy day here on Cape Cod, I'd like to share a rainy day pet peeve. Does it drive anyone else crazy when you're in the passenger seat and the driver has the windshield wipers going at the wrong speed? Like if the rain diminishes but the wipers are still on the (drink) dramatic high speed setting and there's not enough moisture, so they make that screeching noise? And the driver is oblivious! Carrying on a conversation with me like there's not nails on the chalkboard in the background. I try not to outwardly cringe, but (drink) it's tough. Almost as tough as not air breaking. Or what if they leave the turn signal on? Honestly, these things are almost friendship-enders for me.

Another deal breaker? If I'm dining out with someone and they order a really good cut of steak well-done. Why even bother? Or white zinfandel? (Drink - not white zinfandel) Eww. Sorry - I'm sure some of my readers are well-done steak eaters and white zin drinkers. It's fine. We just can't be friends any more.

It happens in reverse too. If I allude to my Excel spreadsheets too much in a conversation, for example, I can almost feel the mood shift if I'm not in the right company. It's like dragging the needle on (drink) a record. Screeeeeech. This friendship is over. Coffee. That's another one. If someone gets wind of the fact that I don't drink it, there's this look. A raised eyebrow. You don't need caffeine with five kids? the look suggests. But I don't. Alcohol on the other hand....

James and I play this game called What if you were single? The premise is that you're on a theoretical date and you have to choose the best of the worst. For example, would you rather go on a second date with a guy who orders a strawberry daiquiri or smells like a cigar? Or, you have to date a woman who doesn't believe in shaving or eats tuna fish from the can for breakfast and shares it with her cat - with the same spoon (James hates canned tuna). Shallow right?

Here's an even more shallow game we play - it's called Who did better? You look at a (drink) couple and pick out the more attractive of the two. The less attractive member of the couple "did better." According to my brother, in Australia, they call this "Punching Above Your Weight."

Before you think, my God...Jill is so superficial...let me just say that I'm (mostly) kidding around. In all honesty, I think it's good to have and appreciate differences. For instance - James is not one to dig deep when it comes to understanding things like song lyrics or poems. They're out of the in the deep end...which is a metaphor for where they're safe from the world and can be who they are together. Get it? Likewise, I can be a little slow on the uptake with numbers in my head so James bails me out of embarrassing math situations. When we owned the inn and someone paid in cash, I would freeze when I had to make change so he would discreetly intervene and tell me I had a phone (drink) call or something. My hero.

At the risk of sounding like Mary Poppins, it is our differences that make the world an interesting place. I always tell the kids that if everything was fair and square all the time, life would be pretty boring. Same goes for ordering steaks. If we all ate it blue like I do, we may have a bigger problem than COVID on our hands. Poorly paced windshield wipers on the other hand? There's no excuse.

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