The kids have given me plenty (drink) of material this week to compose an edition of Friday Funnies. Abigail kicked it off on Monday morning with a pointed text 'If you need to come into the office between 8:45 and 9:00, please text me so I can turn off the camera.' What the...? Am I that embarrassing? Instead of obeying her orders, I made it a point to coincidentally need something in the office during her zoom homeroom. But rather than embarrass her, I decided to distract her. I got down on the floor army-style and stealthily crawled across the floor to retrieve an item far too large to crawl back with. She tried to shoo (drink) me away while trying not to laugh. #winning
I am not, winning, however, on the Kaleb front. You know that book No David? It's a children's book about this unruly kid named David who get in trouble all day for various reasons. But at the end of the day, his mom always reassures him (and herself) that she still loves him despite the copious amounts (drink) of vodka he has forced her to consume for the last ten hours. Every time I read it, I want to replace the name David with Kaleb. Because I'm pretty sure incidents like this are the inspiration for the young lad.
Later that very day, I noted the laundry basket was missing from our closet. "Kaleb!" I said out loud in much the same tone Seinfeld blasts Newman. But I got distracted and forgot to follow up. It (drink) wasn't until I was putting them to bed that I discovered it. Kaleb had piled the basket high with his favorite wardrobe staples. Let me back up. He has been bunking (drink) in the twins' room since the beginning of quarantine. Normally I let them have sleepovers in each others' rooms only on weekends, but that went out the window months ago and I haven't bothered to break up the slumber parties. Apparently it had become inconvenient to make the long trek to his room in the morning to get dressed, so Kaleb decided to make his stay more permanent and moved in. No Kaleb. (Drink)
Enough about the boy. Is anyone wondering how my new career as a Tik Toker is going? It's really taking off. I have 27 followers. Abigail took me to the woods to put together a skit (I don't think that's what they're called, but you know what I mean). She said the woods would (drink) make a good back drop, but I think she was just taking me somewhere remote enough that there was no chance of her friends witnessing the rehearsals. I'm really improving, though. This "skit" only took ten takes.
It seems Eleanor follows in my theatrical footsteps. Here's a few little gems I found on my photo feed.
Cynthia, on the other hand, is working hard on breaking the finger sucking habit. It's not working. We've tried putting socks on her hands, coating her hands in scented lotion that probably tastes bad, and bribing her with money. Fail, fail, fail. She gets really angry at herself and says things like, "Cynthia why can't you just stop?" And bursts into tears. It's pitiful, (drink) but listening to kids talk to themselves in the third person is mildly entertaining.
Then there was this.
There has been a lot of food preparation taking place in our kitchen lately, largely thanks to the Vitamix. They have been attempting to replicate every Starbucks drink on the menu and have been asking for bizarre ingredients. "Where's the malt coffee chocolate syrup?" "Is the cream of coconut with the spices?" "Do we have any blue spirinella?" Spiri what? Don't even get me started on the baking...hence the egg incident.
Even James stepped up to the plate (drink) with a Friday Funny contribution. Completely out of character, he got onto the highway going the wrong direction. I mean, not like driving against traffic - that would be unfunny - but in the wrong direction he intended to head. Things like this happen to me all the time, but when I got a text from James saying he pulled a Jill, I was floored. Maybe (drink) he's getting quarantine brain.
Paige definitely has quarantine brain. Fifteen minutes after I had wrapped up lunch service, she wondered aloud if she had had lunch yet. Mind blown.
I think that's everyone. Sometimes I lose count though....