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If you put a plate of French fries in front of me, without fail, I will eat every single one. I used to leave one or two so as not to seem piggish, but as I get older, I am no longer concerned about food shaming. I'll even go (drink) so far as to reprimand a waiter if he snatches my plate up before I've inhaled the last of the crispy potato goodness. I'm partial to fries of the skinny variety and if there are truffle fries on the menu, you better believe I'm ordering them. But honestly, any (drink) fries will do - curly, Parmesan, sweet potato, wedges, waffle, shoestring, even soggy ones in a pinch.

We recently invested in an air fryer which was both a curse and blessing depending how you look at it. The good news is that it makes the best fries without any effort. The bad news is that it makes the best fries without any effort. The kids request air fryer fries EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. And they don't have my addiction problem so there are always leftovers for me to either toss or munch on. Guess which option I choose? I mean, really, you'd think I'd have (drink) some semblance of self control, especially since by the time they make their way into my mouth, the fries are cold. But no. Mama can't seem to get a handle (drink) on the fry issue.

The way I see it, I have two choices: 1) continue to binge on fries and suffer the consequences, 2) sew my mouth shut. Since option two eliminates my ability to drink wine, I suppose I'll have to suffer the consequences.

What makes the situation even more vexing is that my kids don't seem to have any problem halting their food consumption. They could care less about meals unless they involve sugar or an obscene amount of butter. And yet they're always hungry. Probably because they never consume anything I put in front of them.

At what point does ambivalence toward food morph (drink) into obsession? I recall being uninterested in food as a child - my brother and I would hide broccoli in our milk and peas under the lips of our plates. I remember picking at my lunch in the cafeteria and tossing most of it in the trash. How did the girl who could survive on a couple slices of American cheese a day turn into a fry hoarder? Where is she when I need her? I mean, couldn't she make an appearance every now and then when there are leftover crusts of pizza and chicken strips (drink) calling my name?

Part of me thinks it's just one of those things that happens as you get older. Food tastes better, our social lives revolve around eating and drinking versus bouncy houses and tag, and conveniently, our metabolism slows down. But there are these adults who claim they don't like fried food or desserts. Are they liars, or do these people actually exist? They're liars, right? Everyone (drink) likes fries. I get that maybe you don't feel great after consuming an entire vat of them, but you still LIKE them. Which brings me to my final point: If you're one of those people who claims they "don't like fries" and you're dining out with me, don't even think about stealing one of mine. I'll smack your hand and throw one of your lettuce leaves at you.

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