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Material Girl

My Amazon shopping cart has been hijacked.

Looks like I'll have to change my password. Since we haven't been physically going to stores as much to shop (drink), it stands to reason it wouldn't take long for the kids to catch onto our online shopping practices. They're like sponges - observing, listening, reenacting and repeating. Mom, Cynthia is being a douche bag. Oops.

It's not just the little ones who have the shopping bug. Paige has a serious shoe fetish. I know - the apple does't fall far from the tree. She also has ridiculously expensive taste, well beyond her years. Again, I blame genetics, but also social media. (Drink) The marketing tactics employed in the online world are brilliant. Manipulatively brilliant. We all know how re-marketing works by now, but it's freaky. I say the word Gucci and ads find their way into my emails, Facebook feed, Google search results...I bet there are women planted in my path sporting Gucci shades and handbags to really seal the deal. Generally I have the willpower and common sense to ignore such ploys, but young minds are easily (drink) influenced and the idea of climbing the social ladder by showboating the latest trends is a reasonable conclusion in their minds.

Which leads us to the Louis Vuitton sneakers. No one needs Louis Vuitton sneakers, let alone a ten year old girl whose foot grows faster than my ass during Covid. But try telling (drink) that to her. Knowing there was no chance we would spring for such a luxury, Paige set to work - resurrecting the Busy Kid chore app from its slumber and my bathrooms saw the bristles of a toilet brush once again. But, being my daughter, instant (drink) gratification is the name of the game so she implemented a plan to expedite the accumulation of wealth.

She almost backed out when we explained that she would have to collect poop in a bag. But then she envisioned those Louis Vuitton's and deemed them poop-worthy. We distributed flyers to all the neighbors and time will tell if her plan will result in the hottest kicks of the season.

Chances are between now and then some smart marketer will display something on her screen more enticing to add to her (drink) wish list. Hopefully something more practical and less expensive. But let's face it, I'm doomed. I have a lot of years of marketing ploys ahead of me. Wish me luck.

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