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Sorry, Not Sorry.

Until today, I felt sorry for kids having birthdays during the pandemic. As Abigail's 12th birthday approached, I grew more and more anxious as the days ticked on. I was convinced this would be the worst birthday of her life, and envisioned her staring vacantly into her phone, yearning for those virtual friends to surround her with real-life birthday cheer. After today, though, my (drink) perspective on Corona birthdays is completely different. You see, if kids play their cards right - and kids are very good at seizing these types of opportunities - they can manipulate their (drink) pitiful situation to their advantage. Let's take a look at "the worst birthday of Abigail's life" in detail.

As is my tradition, on any of our kids' birthdays, I attempted to kick her day off with an off-key rendition of Captain Zoom's birthday song (James was completely unfamiliar with this little jingle, (drink) but it was a staple in my childhood home - Google it). She was hiding, though, knowing what was in store. They wise up as they get older. After the adolescent eye-rolling, I decided to transition to cool mom and served pancakes with homemade ice cream for breakfast. Pancakes and pants were optional.

Between online classes, she was surprised by Granddad who also happens to have his own show on Fox Business. Just before the stock market opened, a moment on his show during which his audience is likely the most captive, he did a birthday shout out for her including a picture of the two of (drink) us in which she is clearly beating me out in the height department. Score another point for Abigail under the category of "this wouldn't have happened BCV".

After "school," I took the birthday girl for a post-lunch Dunkin boost and a drive-by, socially (drink) distanced visit to her friend's house which, though brief, satisfied a much needed human encounter with someone beside her lame parents and annoying siblings. No sooner had we arrived home, before three more of her friends paid a visit, all bearing gifts, but most importantly a reminder that friendship prevails through even the hardest times.

The stream of visitors continued with Grandma and Grandpa, who live (drink) just four houses down, but their regular presence has been missed. They brought a personalized Minnie Mouse Starbucks cup, the perfect medley of Abigail's two favorite things. Aside from ballet. Which made the ballet barre from Nana and Granddad waiting inside the icing on the cake.

And speaking of cake...thankfully, Abigail's favorite was still available. Turtle cheesecake from Del Mar Bistro, the grand finale to the day's succession of sugary delicacies courtesy of parental situational guilt. Didn't I write recently that you can't parent out of guilt? I guess (drink) pandemic birthdays is an exception to this rule.

We mustn't forget the gift Abigail is about to receive. Never would I have considered bestowing a twelve year old with an Apple Watch. Never. But the damn guilt. Plus, I can rationalize anything...wait for it....

1) I did not get a watch with a data plan so no additional monthly fee will be incurred, 2) I got the basic model which, I reasoned, was about the same price (drink) tag as a new fit bit which I would have considered as a gift BCV, 3) She has proved to be super responsible with any expensive item she owns. Never once have I had to replace her glasses or phone screen nor does she tend to lose things. Kaleb, on the other hand, constantly asks when (drink) he will be allowed to get a phone and I'm like, 'dude, I still serve your drinks in a cup with a lid.'

4) Birthdays during the pandemic have every potential to suck. This would soften the blow if the entire rest of the day had gone south. Which it didn't.

So there you have it - no more feeling (drink) sorry for anyone who ages during the virus (unless they are turning 21 - totally different ballgame). They essentially have two birthdays this year. One pity party during which guilt knows no boundaries, and one IOU party when this crazy sh*t show is over. Happy birthday Abigail. I hope it was memorable in the best way possible.

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