Why oh why did I download the Kid Messenger app for my kids? Not only are they video calling my poor mom like 15 times a day, but they're calling EACH OTHER. No joke - I can hear (drink) Paige in the other room talking and there's a millisecond delay before I hear her again on Cynthia's tablet. They're playing some sort of online game. What the hell happened to Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders? You know...the kind of games you play in the same room together and communicate face to face? Have they taken this whole social distancing thing too far? (Drink)
And then there are random other people seemingly in my (drink) house. One of Paige's friends is a permanent fixture on Paige's phone. They're not even talking. It's the weirdest phenomenon. To add a little comedy to the situations, I am now getting a really good sense of Kaleb's flirting moves. I just overheard him say to one of his girl friends, "I'm a snack kind of guy. I like to eat a lot of snacks." I can vouch for (drink) that. He then proceeded (drink) to describe the flavors of Gushers in the packet he just opened. He seems to think it's a chick magnet. Oh for the love of God. Paige is in the conversation now giving advice on best Gusher flavor. Another kid just jumped on. I'm so confused. And now my mom is suddenly in our house. James just went outside to hang out. Even though it's raining.
Remember when we were kids and it was super cool if you had a phone in your room? Even cooler if you had your own phone line. I had this epic pink phone which played music when you pressed hold. That was the epitome of high tech back then. I can still hear the tune it played in my head. (Drink)
I wonder what a pandemic circa 1986 would have looked like. Would teachers have dropped the week's lesson plans in my mailbox and called on my pink phone to "check in?" And then I would mail the assignments back, so if all went smoothly, there would only be a three week window between assignment given and assignment turned in. And then another three weeks for corrections to be received. Perfect.
And what would we have done without memes or updates via Facebook? Would they have sounded the fire whistle (drink) every morning to indicate there's still no school? They used to do that on snow days to get the word out.
I considered doing an experiment called, "The Meyers Bring Back the 80's." Only technology available back then would be allowed. But after about a second of considering this, I abandoned the idea for fear I'd wipe (drink) out all the wine in the house in one afternoon. I mean, my mom is reading her third book to the kids over Kid Messenger right now. I'm not giving that up.
Come to think (drink) of it, I suppose the trade-off is worth it. I can't even fathom the amount of screen time my kids have accumulated over the last few weeks. Nor do I care. They are occupied and communicating and Cynthia even started spewing scientific facts about what happens if you (drink) swallow gum the other day. They're totally learning stuff. I mean check out the ingenious way Eleanor told me what she wanted for breakfast this morning:
Ahh yes, the strings of emojis I receive throughout the day haven't gotten old at all.
What I really love are all the creepy pictures that pop on my phone every few minutes.
They can also send text recordings since they can't read yet (but I bet a few more weeks of YouTube will take care of that!). So I'm getting these cryptic messages followed by a twin popping into the room to "make sure (drink) I got the memo about the rainbow marshmallow monster." Err (drink)....yes. Roger that.
And roger this: technology both drives me crazy and saves my life simultaneously. I'm sure most of my readers, having lived through life without iPhones, would agree. Push comes to shove, though, I wouldn't give it up for even an hour. I must go now. I have 317 thumbs up emoji messages to sift through.