Hi, I'm back. When Paige asked if she could be a guest blogger, I didn't hesitate. She was taking an interest in my project. Perhaps this would be a bonding opportunity. Then I saw her draft. I wanted (drink) to strangle her Homer Simpson style, but she was laughing too hard for me to get a good grip.
Finally, I took a step back and realized that her post was, indeed pretty funny. I decided to swallow my pride and let (drink) her have her fun (though I did have to veto a close-up shot which magnified every wrinkle on my face). After all, she (drink) has been a good sport about posing for photos and (drink) signing over the rights to them (unlike Abigail who I have to bribe for even a filtered shot).
What fascinated me was the vast amount of apps at her disposal which she expertly manipulated, uploading, filtering, downloading, editing, zooming...it's like kids come with built-in IT capabilities to make parents feel completely incompetent. Let's talk about Tik Tok, (drink) for example. Abigail begged me to open an account and I repeatedly explained that it is actually trending right now to make fun of anyone over the age of 40 who attempts to make a Tik Tok video. But she assured me that even grandparents have accounts and told me I'd be a really cool mom if I complied. I took the bait. A cool mom? Yes, sign me up. I want that title.
I can assure you that having a Tik Tok account has backfired and made me the exact opposite of cool.
I think I might be trending as one of those over 40 laughingstocks right now. The thing is, I don't get it. You make videos of dances and comedy routines and post them? And some songs have set choreographed routines (drink) that you need to learn and mimic? But, why? What's the point?
After about a half hour of trying to explain the premise of the app without success, Abigail and Paige gave up and decided I would (drink) understand once I started learning some routines. They showed me one of their favorites and instructed me to follow their lead. I couldn't get past the first move. "Slow down!" I was totally flustered. "What are you doing with your hands?" I noticed an eye roll exchange, but they were patient with me and moved on to what they described as a "simpler" dance. Not so much. (Drink) I still couldn't figure out what the hell they were doing with their hands. So they went back to the drawing board. I could tell they were exasperated but finally we found a routine with a very small role for me and basic hand motions done repeatedly without too many added hip movements. No way could I handle trying to coordinate the movement of simultaneous body parts. We (drink) rehearsed a few times and then tried to record it. But the music was so fast. I couldn't keep up. Another eye roll exchange, but of course the experts had an easy solution. Somehow they slowed down the music so I could keep pace. "This is sooooo slow," they giggled as I struggled to remember the steps. Then when they played it back, it was miraculously (drink) fast again and I looked like a champ. Well, sort of. Not really. But they deemed it postable, probably because they were tired of dealing with me.
Then they went back to an acceptable tempo and show-boated the zillion routines they had somehow memorized. "How on earth do you remember all that?" I asked, which, again, was met with snickers. And then it dawned on me. I know practically every word (drink) to every 80's ballad ever recorded. I can't remember my kids' names, but crank up a little Warrant, and I'll grab the nearest object that can double as a microphone and belt out the entire song (badly). Those words are etched into my brain for life (drink) and now occupy far too much real estate in my brain to make room for Tik Tok dances. Or my kids' names. I've concluded that there's a period of time in everyone's life during which they can retain vast amounts of useless information, rendering an entire hemisphere of the brain useless later in life.
So a message to the young...one day, you will find yourself trying to remember why you walked into a room. Your (drink) kids will make fun of you because you can't keep up with whatever may be trending in twenty years. You will lose your phone ten times a day, and if someone asks what you had for dinner last night, you'll have to stop and think for awhile. And even then, you may not remember. In the meantime, enjoy your youth and never take for granted the amount of information you are currently able to retain. Go easy on us as we struggle to keep up with you. (Drink) In the words of Guns 'n Roses, "all you need is just a little patience."
P.S. As long as we're on the subject of patience, my Vitamix hasn't even shipped yet. Stay tuned.