Every time I go on vacation, I promise myself that I will chill the F out when I return. I will retain that sense of carefree relaxation and stop getting my panties in a knot over toothpaste splatter on the (drink) mirror or fingerprints on the walls. And every single time, my resolution fails within five minutes of entering the house. I can never figure out why. But now I know. It's because of shit like this:
What the hell happened here? First off, that giant blue bowl is something Kaleb bought on Amazon with a gift card. Sorry to whoever's money he wasted. What is it? A dog bowl? A mini swimming pool for the plethora of figurines we have all over the house? James tried to explain it to me, but (drink) I was too livid about the mess in the bathroom to retain the exact purpose of it. It doesn't matter anyway. Whatever its intended use was, Kaleb managed to re-purpose it as a cleaning vessel for Eleanor's shoes. AND HE USED HIS ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH AS A SCRUBBING TOOL. Do you know how expensive those toothbrush heads are? They cost a f-ing fortune, but our dentist advised we invest, so in the name of the kids' dental hygiene I complied. Well his teeth can get brown and decay for all I care, because I sure as hell am not buying a new head.
When I asked why this activity was conducted in a bathroom - a place in which dirt and toe jam are not welcome - as opposed to the great outdoors where the rain or hose water could wash it away - he responded that he (drink) thought I would get mad if I used the hose. Great. Just great. And I wouldn't get mad that he used his very expensive electric toothbrush and dog bowl? Really? REALLY?
See, kids don't pull these stunts on vacation. Vacations are packed with activities and excursions. The grown-ups are engaged because we, too, are on vacation, free from (most) of our daily obligations. The (drink) moment we arrive home, we must immediately unpack, start laundry, and start dinner. Vacation over. Back to reality. Which means the kids must resort to entertaining themselves once again. Hence the shenanigans. So once again, my mission to maintain the stress-free glow of vacation has gone up in smoke. But Eleanor has super shiny shoes. So there's that.